going all in

Showing your hand is hard. I mean really the only time its not hard to show your hand is in poker and that's only when you've got a really good hand and even then there's a tense moment just before the other person shows their hand when you think "oh crap! What if they have a better hand than me? What if I lose? " unfortunately its no different in situations of romantic entanglement. Only its worse because there's hardly ever that confidence of a "good hand" for most of us. We just have to pick our moment and jump in and hope the other person doesn't look at our cards and fall over laughing at their clear inferiority. I wish i could say that i was different but unfortunately im not, i feel that fear that doubt just as much as anyone else i will concede that i control its effects on my decision making better than most but alot of times just controlling neurosis is a paralyzing task arresting your ability to do anything but obsess. Some of us are better at fighting this urge than others but all the same the matter stems from vulnerability. We spend so much of our time trying to prove and display how invulnerable we are that sometimes (actually most times in a lot of cases) we can't handle the vulnerability necessary for successful human to human contact and connection on a deeper level than just "you're hot. Yeah thanks you're hot too, we should totally get together and have sex." because its hard to let someone in, like really show them everything about yourself. But its also just as hard in some cases to accept someone for who they are and not who you think they should be or who you want them to be or worse the dream of the person you wish they were. Yes intimate human to human interaction is indeed tough business, yet its one of the most important things that we will ever do for ourselves on a personal level, which is find a mate. After puberty its all most of us can think about. And yet in the same breath most of us never really learn to express ourselves in a meaningful way. We never learn how to deal with that vulnerability. I'll tell you one thing though as soon as i figure out the secret i will be sure to share it with as many people as possible.

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